When “Temporary” Becomes Forever: What It Takes to Raise Children Later in Life

I was recently honored to join Laura Brazan on her podcast Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Nurturing Through Adversity. The conversation was honest, heartfelt, and deeply grounded in the reality facing grandparents and kinship caregivers today. 

👉 Listen to the episode here: https://www.grandparents-raising-grandchildren.org/from-foster-to-adopt/

The episode opens with a story that many caregivers know all too well: at age 64, Laura and her husband envisioned a quiet retirement in rural Montana. Two years later, they were 68, living in Louisiana, raising two young grandchildren—discovering that what began as a temporary situation had become a lifelong commitment.

When you’re older and parenting again, the decisions you make are about so much more than love. They involve questions about energy, health, legacy, and how to build a life that’s sustainable—not just for today, but for the years ahead.

No Perfect Path — Just the Most Loving One for Your Family

In our conversation, we talked about how there’s rarely a perfect option when it comes to kinship care, fostering, or foster-to-adopt. Often, these journeys begin amid crisis and uncertainty. But the question isn’t whether the situation is perfect—it’s whether you’re doing the best you can with the options you have.

One of the key things I shared is this:
You can provide safety first and choose permanency later.
In the early days, your focus can simply be on stability, attachment, and figuring out what comes next.

You Don’t Have to Do It All — You Need a Village

One theme that came up again and again is the importance of community. Historically, families raised children in extended circles—not in isolation. Today’s approach often assumes two adults can handle everything alone, but that expectation can be exhausting and unrealistic, especially when children come with trauma histories or special needs.

We talked about practical ways to build your village:

• Creating a support roster of trusted helpers

• Reaching out to community, church, or school networks

• Finding online or in-person support groups

• Asking for professional, trauma-informed guidance

Trauma is a Special Need

Another important conversation in the episode centers on trauma. Even when it isn’t visible, trauma affects children's development and behavior. Separation itself, no matter how gentle or loving, is a form of trauma. Children who come through kinship care, foster care, or adoption often need additional understanding, patience, and tools for healing.

Helping children build trust—especially when they’ve learned not to trust—is a lifelong process. But it’s possible, and it’s worth it.

Living in the Present

When I shared my own story—learned through years of infertility, loss, and eventually a long foster-to-adopt journey—I kept returning to the same lesson:

Practice living in the present.

In systems filled with unknowns, spiraling into “what ifs” can become overwhelming. Grounding yourself in the truth of right now can be one of the most stabilizing tools you have.

A Message to Grandparents and Kinship Caregivers

If you’re reading this because you’re raising grandchildren—or you’re supporting someone who is—I want you to know this:

• It’s okay to grieve the life you expected.

• It’s okay to need help.

• It’s okay to take baby steps.

• You don’t need to figure it all out today.

Sometimes, the most loving decision isn’t obvious—it’s the one that takes courage, information, and reflection. And whatever path you choose, you don’t have to walk it alone.

Stay Connected

One of our big themes was connection—connection to community, to support systems, to your inner voice, and, if it resonates with you, to a higher power that can guide your decisions from a place of peace rather than fear.

Thank you to Laura Brazan for creating a space for this crucial conversation. And thank you to every caregiver out there doing the work with grace, courage, and heart.

🎧 Listen to the full conversation: https://www.grandparents-raising-grandchildren.org/from-foster-to-adopt/