Money, Foster Care & the Real Cost of Growing Your Family (with Dylan Snowden)

Try to have an understanding, first off, of what your current costs are. You know, what does it cost for you to live in a home without that child right now?And if you don't know that, it's going to be a lot more difficult to figure out that number when you have a child. Because as someone who has a six and a four year old, it's harder to figure out problems once the child is there. It's a lot calmer in the house.My children at school right now, I have another hour and 15 minutes. This is what I want. My brain is clear to get work done.And, and so for folks considering fostering, I would say, like, okay, you're probably getting a lot of things in order to make that decision. One of them should be your money. To say, like, well, how much money do we have available to support the child on a monthly basis? What are our needs?What are our incomes? What are our major expenses through the year? And another thing is like, what are our annual expenses? Change with having a child.

It's the Foster to Forever podcast. Happy stories of non traditional families born through Foster to Adopt. I'm your host, Rachel Fulgenetti.

I am very proud and excited to invite my friend Dylan Snowden onto the show today. Dylan is a financial coach for couples and individuals who want to have a better, healthier relationship with money.I know Dylan because I was his client at one time. Joe and I were my husband and he helped us so much. Dylan, welcome to the show.

Rachel, thank you so much for having me.

Really excited to talk about this subject. I haven't talked about this subject yet on my show and it's a big part of the decision about whether to embark on this path.There's a lot of like, unknown and hidden expenses, as you know, when you just start a family and then to be also involved in a system where you're not sure what it's going to bring you is just another level of that. So I think I want to start there.How do you prepare for something that when you don't know quite what it's going to entail, how do you do that financially?

Yeah, and I gotta tell you, it's like there's so many things that are big that we buy, right? We might buy our car, our first car. We know how to do it. The next time we might have a wedding and that's a big expense. We might have a home.A lot of those expenses are kind of dialed in, right? We know when we're buying a house, what to expect. There's an offer price and there's repairs or maintenance we have to do for the wedding.You have caterers, you have expenses, they might grow. Obviously you build your wedding out.But when you have a family and starting to bring children into the house, then there's all these other expenses as well, because it's not necessarily like they cost a dollar, but really about like, what is the loss of income that could be happening? What is the emotional costs and what are their needs specifically that are not your own.So really having a child in this situation is one of the more major unknowns when it comes to our expense life as an adult. Now, that doesn't mean it's not impossible. Obviously people have been doing it for millions of years and regardless about what their money is.But what I always say is, and this is a guiding principle of my coaching, is that we try to forecast as much as we can. And when it comes to child rearing, there are numbers. We know how expensive it can be.We can look at data points to say this is how much it is, this is how much it's going to be over 15, 20 years. You know, talking about college XYZ, I like to get more down into the firmer numbers.And especially if we're talking about forced fostering, there might be a level of proportion preparedness that goes into it that many couples may not have and then say like, okay, what do we want our role as a parent, a caregiver to be? Is this a situation where we will be giving time? Is this a situation where we won't be working as much?Is this a situation where we will need to change our habits at home or changing even how our home is. So really dialing into those.And I can go to more detail, but really trying to ask those bigger questions about what do we want really that first year to be when we have a child? And trying to outline that which helps us then outline year 2, 3, 4, 5, and maybe up to 18.

Great advice.I remember when Joe and I were moving to New York from California, you really helped us in terms of that, in terms of like, what is it going to look like to, to move and what are all those moving expenses and then how much does it cost to live in New York and what is the cost of, you know, all of the stuff and, and you helped us do that. And I can't overstate how helpful it was to have you helping us do that because it's overwhelming. Like, it's like you don't know where to start.You're like I don't know what it's going to be like. So how can I plug these numbers in if I'm not exactly sure?And I think what I learned is whatever you guesstimate or whatever you put into that spreadsheet, it's probably going to be more. Is that a fair assumption to like assume it's going to be a little more than what you're thinking?

Well, you know, think about those earlier examples of buying the house, buying the first car or the wedding. If you look back at your first 20 years of your life, you're probably like, oh yeah, they were more, you know. And I think about vacations.One of the bigger things I plan out with clients is budgeting for vacations.Whether it's a weekend cabin up to Tahoe or it's a Disneyland five day trip, we break down the expenses because we always think, oh, we, our brain will try to do the math and say it's a $3,000 experience. But then when we look at hotel, flight. Yeah, but then food, then restaurants, then gifts, then supplies, then we miss a flight.You know, all those things add up and always there's an unknown. So when you talk about that first question, it's like, how do we prepare for the unknown? It is about adding a percentage. Now we talk about travel.It's easy to say. I say to clients, add 15% of what that base number is. After you add all those different kind of categories of spending.15% On top of that, that should be a good base. Plus that 15% when you're having a family.Yeah, there's going to be a little bit more unknowns to say like, okay, what are the physical things that need to change for our home? What are the physical costs to update our home for needs for a child regardless regarding the age of that child?And then also like, what are the financial support questions we have for if we're a dual income family or single income family? What are the child's childcare needs? How are they going to be met for that first year and going forward as well?

Good point.And I do want to point out for the listeners that most people are aware, but some might not be, that there is a stipend that you receive as a foster parent. However, that stipend doesn't go very far.So you know, when people are saying, oh, they're, they're doing it for the money, it's like, well, unless they're, you know, doing like they have 30 kids in their house, it's probably not going to amount to, to that much.So would you encourage people to just be like, don't even, don't think about that or would you encourage them to actually put that into their budget as well?

That number, you know, it's, it's tricky because it's like, it's hard.You don't want to ignore it because it's like, okay, this is a benefit from the state to say like, yeah, we appreciate what you're doing and it's considered really not an income. But they would like to think of it as a reimbursement for costs.

Right, right. That's what it is. Truly. I should say it's, it's for the child. It's not like you're getting paid to do this.

Yeah, yeah. And that consideration is, is that it covers some of those costs.But I think between the states it's like can average come from 400amonth to 1200amonth. So definitely check out what your reimbursement would be for each state.And also with that, I think, you know, it would do better to not think about it in the sense of the idea of like letting that dollar stretch too thin by saying it's counting for too many things. I would say, yeah, try to have an understanding first off of what your current costs are.You know, what does it cost for you to live at a home without that child right now? And if you don't know that, it's going to be a lot more difficult to figure out that number when you have a child.Because as someone who has a six and a four year old, it's harder to figure out problems once the child is there. It's a lot calmer in the house. My children are at school right now. I have another hour and 15 minutes.This is when I want my brain is clear to get work done. And so for folks considering fostering, I would say like, okay, you're probably getting a lot of things in order to make that decision.One of them should be your money to say like, well, how much money do we have available to support the child on a monthly basis? What are our needs? What are our incomes? What are our major expenses through the year?And another thing is like, what are our annual expenses change with having a child? What about travel with the child? What about just not the diapers? But medical expenses in most states are covered for checkups and things like that.But if there's any other medical needs that child need, who covers those? Either the state or yourself? Out of pocket.

Yeah. Luckily with children in care, they are awarded Medicaid it doesn't always cover the providers that you want or something like that.So like a lot of people will put their children on their own plan as well.We actually learned the hard way, and I'll just mention this because we're talking about money from the state of California, which is where we adopted both of our children. We ended up, our children have Medicaid until 18, possibly even 21.And I'm not sure if it's like that for everyone in every state, but that's how it is for us. And we sort of made the mistake actually.When we first moved to New York, we wanted to make sure we could get the good providers and we ended up putting them on our healthcare plans and it ended up costing us like a lot of money, like way more money. And so we ended up getting rid of that and going back to straight Medicaid.And yeah, it is a little bit more difficult to find providers, but for us it just was like, yeah, I mean we just wasted a lot of money on like just the per visit to see somebody and all of that kind of stuff.So I, I think it's an individual choice, but it's, it's something worth thinking about because the advice I got when we first started fostering, and I think this is true for any foster case like before you adopt, is like, make sure you, that Medicaid is active and make sure you use that Medicaid because it's there for that child and it really covers everything, you know, at little or no cost. Yeah, yeah. So that's just something to think about.

Yeah, absolutely.And like dialing in on those numbers so that you're prepared for it as well, helps you be not surprised, but also lets you say, okay, if we're not spending money on out of pocket costs for that, where does that money go for? Like, where do we put that?Because a lot of times when we start a family or family grows, it's like we want to do more than maybe our pocketbook allows us to.So I really think a key thing is like having a conversation with your partner if you're solo in this and saying like, okay, what are the most important things for me to do financially this year? Is it to take that time off? Is it for be able to work a certain amount of hours?Is it be able to care for yourself, care for your child at the same time identify what those things are and see if there is a financial number attached to them. Not always. They are. It can be that it's like I need to give Myself more rest.And that is a way to find that in that if you need to be able to spend time with more of your child doesn't mean going to Disneyland. It can be mean going to the playground, setting up play dates.So evaluating what those things are that you really want in this year help you to understand so that there's no surprises for those expenses going forward.

Right. I do like that making your. Your budget or spending plan a reflection of your values and what you. What you value in your life.And that's something I think I really learned from you. That Joe and I learned was also, like, it's not about cutting out every single thing that brings you joy or like, that you. You like to do.I mean, Joe and I, my husband and I really, we love going to shows. We. To rock shows. And so that was always a thing because it would be like, oh, we spent, like, $500 on tickets to, like, see some band or whatever.But, you know, you can't. You got it. You were like, hey, that's your thing. That's what you like.But you always did say that thing about, like, okay, so what is the price of that experience? That's a $600 experience. So is it worth it in terms of that? Like, can you just talk a little bit more for our listeners about that kind of thing?

Yeah. I think a lot of times there's two ways to spend money. I think there's the fun ways.The rock shows, the adventures, the joy, the stuff, the nice couch, you know, the outdoor furniture. Once you maybe have a home, you're a little older, it's like, yeah, you want nicer things. It's called Keeping up with the Joneses.And it's very easy to spend because we also live in a society where there's a million places for us to spend. You know, 20 years ago, we didn't all have phones in our pockets that just immediately could bring us new furniture in a few hours.Our groceries, our dinner. And because we have that accessibility, it's more difficult to spend, or, excuse me, it's more difficult to save.So what I want to say is that, like, okay, those are our things. We want to spend money on some of the relevant.But at the same time, there's going to be serious things we need to spend money on that we cannot avoid. Those things can be costs like car maintenance. The average American spends $1,400 a year on car maintenance.If you own a home, home maintenance, those are thousands of dollars a year. If you have medical costs for yourself or if you do need to see family or you have support to family, those can be financial considerations.So what I really stress is saying, like, okay, you need to outline what those costs are, like, coming from the serious side.Like, what are six things looking maybe at the last year of your calendar that were expenses that you were like, ah, shucks, but we need to do them because likely they'll happen again. Your car is a depreciating thing. It is slowly falling apart. So is your home. It wants to turn back to dust, essentially.So what you have to do is like, we're acknowledging we need to put money towards those things, but a lot of times if we just put money towards the serious things, we're going to break too, because we want to go see that concert, we want to go on that vacation, we want to go get a new credenza. Before I did this work, I didn't know credenza was right. So these are things that we want. So. So we have to serve both gods.So what I do is they say, like, listen, list out the things that are most serious that are realistic to your life. Like I just mentioned medical costs, personal health costs, you know, home, car, emergency fund. If you lose your job, that being the number one.Forgive me for not saying that first. If you lose your job, all your bills start coming in.So you need to have, you know, pay for a thousand dollars at first, but really grow it to three to six months of your living expenses set aside not in the stock market, but just in a nice sweet high yield savings account earning like 3% as of today. And then you don't have to think about it. Those should be your serious goals. Then.Fun saying, like, okay, what do we want to do this year or the next two years? Maybe the next even five years. Just writing them down. Because a lot of people just kind of keep them in their brain.

Yeah.

And they'll be like, oh, I want to do this, I want to do this. And if you're like me, when I wake up in the morning, look at my to do list. I've got 40 things on there.You know, I have to take care of dinners and meals. I'm solo parenting right now. My wife's out of town, I have to clean the house, there's dishes. I also send them emails to family and friends.If I don't write it down and I don't evaluate which one's the most valuable, I'm not gonna get that much done. And all the stuff that I really need to get done to gets pushed to the bottom.So really, when I say write it down and think about it, you really gotta write it down. There's no way of getting around it.And it sounds like sometimes I remember a kid and you start class in seventh grade, they give you a bunch of worksheets for math, and it was just busy work. I hate busy work. This isn't busy work. This is you literally seeing that on the list.Your brain starts to sort it and saying, oh, these are most important. I've never seen vacation to see family in Portland right next to getting a new car.And so now I know, like, oh, which one is the most important to me. So really, outlining and writing out and detailing what is important is a critical step.

You mentioned having a savings of like a liquid savings of three to six months. Is that what you said? Three to six months or three to nine months?

Three to six. Well, that's a good question. Right? So the question an individual kind of asks if, like, well, how much should I have if I lose my job?That's really what an emergency fund is.Some people will say, like, well, if I have a house maintenance issue, like plumbing issue, which I've had in the past in my old house, or want to help out family, those are fine. But when we lose our job and we work for an employer, every bill starts coming, mortgages start coming, right?And our rent or our car payment, and we really can't get behind on that. Now, how do we come to 3, 6, 12 months maybe?The question I think you should ask yourself is how long would it take for you to find a job that would pay you equivalent of what you're earning now? Now, I've had lawyers as clients who said, dylan, we're always going to need lawyers. I, I can find a job in a month.

Great.

Your emergency fund may be one to two months. Okay. But I've also had TV writers, and if you're familiar with what's happening in Hollywood, it's tough out there.So they've told me, like, yeah, I want a year of savings set aside. It'll take me a year to find another job that'll pay me as well as I earn right now. So ask that question to yourself.So a good rule to start with is if you don't have anything, if you're listening to this and say, I've got a dollar, start with a thousand. Then say like, okay, identify how much, your year, your month of living expenses. And that's like mortgage, rent, but it's also Netflix.It's also going out to Eat. It's also restaurants. It's grubhub. All those things people will say to me sometimes. Well, Dylan, I don't want to count those things.If I lose my job, I'm just going to cut back. God bless you if you can, but in reality, let's just talk about the situation. You just lost your job. Likely a surprise. It feels terrible.And now I'm also taking away your dinners out and I'm also taking away that trip to Ojai you wanted to take. Are you really gonna do that? Odds are you might not because you feel bad.So I am not in the mindset of saying once you lose your job, you have to start eating beans and rice. That's gonna be really mad sad on top of sad. Let you still live your life. So look at really what your expenses are for.Those fixed costs, but also those flexible ones, the ones that you make discretionary choices with, the funner ones. And then try to save three to six months of that depending on when you can find that next job.

Yeah, I want to drill down on the. How do people get a sense of what they're spending every month? I mean, that was the biggest.Like our first eye opening thing was we had no idea how much our life cost per month. And when we found that out, it was shocking how much our life was costing. So can you help us with that?

You know, we have. Here's, here's the thing. I will say it's. We try to think about, we have a number in our head.I think most folks have to think about a number and they say like, oh, this is where I probably am. Because I'll ask people in discovery calls and first meetings, they're like, how much do you think? And they'll start adding a numbers.Well, my rent is this. My car payment is this. I go out to dinner a few times.But I know if they're doing that, they're not going to be close to the number because the average American spends three to five times a day. So that can be upwards of 150. This, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this.Our monkey brains can't keep that number running as a ticker for a whole month. So listeners might know their number, but I'm going to wager if you know your number, you know it. Because you're looking at your numbers.You are looking at your bank statements. You're using an app, maybe you're using an AI tool to evaluate it.But, but if you are not doing that, if you are not actually your Numbers likely are. You're not very close to it, and there's no shame in that. It's hard to do. It's not easy to keep it in your head, as I said.But I think when we look at people who have an income, have a home, have home expenses, you know, When I was 26, living in New York, single, my life cost $3,500. It was rent and beer and pizza. That was it. It's not like that at 42.

So that's true.

Over somewhere in that age or close to it, you've got so many more expenses, and we're not even talking about those big monthly expenses that'll come up, like getting contact lenses every three months for $600.

Yes.

Going home to see family or friends. Those plane tickets are $3,000. Oh, the holidays are here. Buy a Christmas tree in New York City. That's $212.And also, you have to give gifts to your doorman for your kids, teachers, and everyone else.So you have to look at what your daily expenses are, and then also the annual expenses, because I've seen that be, you know, $40,000 of things that just happen once or twice a year. But you asked me the question, how do I do it? Right?

Right.

So that's.

No, but all of this is good. I mean, all of it is like, yup. Huh? And it. And it does, I will just say, drive me crazy.The things that are like, for instance, our electric bill, it doesn't come every month. It comes every other month. And so that is confusing because it's like, well, then what? How much are we spending?You know, I just find it all very confusing. So how do we even deal with that?

Well, the first thing I would do is like, saying, okay, you want to find out how your monthly spending is. And there's a few different ways going about that. First thing is put it on your calendar when you're doing it.Don't do it right now, even if you're listening, because you're listening. But find the time on your calendar. Give yourself 30 minutes or an hour over the next week or two, okay? And block it off.You have to preserve that time because you. I'm gonna be honest. If you haven't been doing it, part of you doesn't want to do it. So if you don't want to do it.What I've seen with clients doing this eight years now, coaching over 250 couples and individuals, is that the calendar is stone. It's written in stone. So preserve that time.Say, like okay, I'm gonna look at my money on Thursday at 8 o' clock in the morning or Saturday at 2pm, whatever it may be. Don't do it at the end of the day, by the way.

And if you're a part of a couple, are you saying that we should do this together or are you saying you should do it separately?

Okay, I think you should do it together. And there's a few other notes for couples to make sure that it's successful and it doesn't end a divorce.Because I'm a big fan of not divorcing about money if you don't need to. I think it's about doing. You could do basically an audit first. And a lot of times people think of money as like, yeah, I'm just, it runs.You know, my rent gets paid, I got Netflix. I'm just trying to survive. But I think we really actually have to start thinking of our money now as like a business.And if you're running a business, like a small business, if I ran like we had a 99 cent video store next to us. And if they didn't look at how much money when I was a kid growing up, that's what was there.And if they didn't look at how much money they had, they wouldn't run. They would not have a good idea of like, oh, we didn't have as much rentals. It seems like it's okay. People kept showing in. They knew their number.You know your profit.

Yes.

So true. You really can't, if you are stressed about money at all. If you're listening to this being like, oh yeah, mine gives me anxiety.Just treat it like a business. Start saying like, this is Connie Incorporated, Donald Trisha Incorporated, whatever it may be. And then say like, okay, we need to do an audit.What are our expenses now? How do you find that out? You can look at your checking account information from Bank America Chase. Just look through that.You can even go through your credit cards. And sometimes credit cards will give you these fangled like breakdowns, bar charts and all that kind of things. I'm a bigger fan.I use an online tool called Monarch. And what Monarch does is that it basically aggregates your checking accounts, your credit cards, your spending accounts essentially.And it pulls those transactions, categorizes and it gives you a breakdown for the last three months. And you can see this is where your money went.

Yeah.

Oh, because not everybody usually just pays off one card. Like if I, I just use a debit card, that's fine. But usually people use two Credit cards, a debit card for this, debit card for that.So it's hard when you're, like, one at a time going through it. So put them all in the app. App is 50 bucks. I know. For a year. I think right now, 50 or 100.

And then you just. We're using it now, too, and love it. Like, really love it. Yeah.

It's a great tool, and it's well worth it because I will tell you, Rachel, I've done probably over 800 introductory calls of people, and I'll ask them all the same questions, like, how much do you think you spend in a month? And I've asked that. I've probably over 800 times. I bet only 20 times people have got within $400.

Wow.

500.

Wow.

And that's not, again, their fault. It's like, we're doing other stuff. We're having a family. We're making sure our parents are okay. We have.We're successful at our businesses, and the other system is kind of running. It's like, every day. Well, lights are on.

Yeah.

It doesn't have to be that stressful. I think you can remove the stress if you look at it. So audit it.Look at how much you spend, and then from there say, like, okay, what do we want to change? You know, are we saving money? Is really the question. It's like, if you're not saving money, then say, like, okay, what do we want to be saving for?What are our actual goals?Like, remember I talked about the serious goals, like the home maintenance, car maintenance, medical maintenance, like, body maintenance, but the fun things like vacations, like furniture upgrades, like, maybe a new car in a few years. And say, like, okay, how much do those cost? Okay, how much can we contribute to them every month?And then what do we not want to spend as much on every month? Now that we see that our GrubHub is $1900 a month? Usually what people do. This is amazing about coaching.I don't have to convince them to stop spending $1,900 on Grubhub. They see it, and they're like, I don't want to do that. I want a new car.Okay, then bring it down 300 and then bring it down another hundred and slowly bring those numbers down so that the saving starts happening.

Yeah. Amazon was just such a big thing for us. Was like, no idea how much we were spending on Amazon. And it's gotten worse, and then it gets better.You know, like, we'll. We'll get a handle on it. And then we'll just be like, okay, no more Amazon. And then, you know, then it got bad again for a while.So it's, how do we handle Amazon and like online shopping?

Online shopping is like you. I say the, the three horsemen, like apocalypse are Amazon, Costco, and Target.You know, they're wonderful places, many will say, but at the same time, you can buy like sushi, but also sweatpants as well. So how do you clarify and be more careful about those types of things or home goods stores is what I kind of throw into that loop.So let's, let's take it first. Online shopping. If you are noticing you are spending too much on Amazon, I have two pitches for you. First one is, is to kill Amazon.It is to stop paying for prime and put some basically speed bumps between you and Amazon, because I know it is. You pick up your phone. I can have jumper cable sent to my home in two hours, right? To fix my car. I' just order it, right?And that doesn't necessarily always have to be fixed. I don't need jumper cables every two hours. But luckily I'll be thinking like, oh, I need an air purifier. I'll just grab that.So I would say try to resist having Amazon or having the actual delivery of 2 hours, 2 days, get rid of prime. The other thing is, and this is.

More for, by the way, I just have to insert. Like, I don't want to get rid of my prime. Like, I can't because I don't want to pay for shipping, like, ever. I don't want to pay for shipping.

You know, then let's talk about this because I think that the thing is, I, I appreciate that. And here, let's, let's try second option.

Okay. Number two.

Your number two, which is. Helps with the Targets and the Costcos as well. And just online shopping in general.We live in a space, as I said in this year, 2026, where you can buy anything on your phone really quick. And our brains are still trying to absorb that and understand how to manage that. And really we don't. It just gives us joy.It gives us dopamine hip shopping. It gives us a dopamine hip researching.You know, shopping is just like a second we buy the thing, but it's really like, oh, I need to buy new slippers. Let me read 10 reviews of the best slippers for men at 42. Right? Yeah, that feels like work. It's like, oh, I have to do this thing.

It's not working.

I'm sorry. It is play Just camouflaged this work.

Yeah.And it's so true because I pride myself on, like, I am a really good researcher and like, I read all the reviews and I did, you know, meanwhile, it's like two in the morning and I'm on my phone and you.

Know, yeah, it's, it's tough. And that's the game. It's the.That is a game of capitalism played to say, like, yeah, you are going to be a good capital little, you know, society, human doing all of this work, but really is. It's also just you shopping. So here's my pitch. I have people do what their grandmas did and have market day.You know, grandmas would make a list of all the things they need, and my grandma would get in the car on that Thursday and she would drive to the market. She would go to Smitty's, which was a all for one store in Scottsdale, Arizona in the 1950s, and pick up a tricycle and a bag of groceries.But she would do that all in one day and she wouldn't spread it out. And so what? I want folks doing this.If you say, I'm spending more than I feel comfortable with, open your Apple phone, your iPhone, your Apple phone, open some notes, and have your market day list. When you think you want something, just write it down and then pick a day. You will buy all the things on your list if you want to.Here's what's going to happen. You're going to see this list of 10 things, maybe 20 things. Your brain will start sorting it.That sorting will say, I don't actually care about the jumper cables as much as I care about little cups for my kids. I don't really care about this, but I really want this. And then the other thing is, you only research on that day. And guess what happens?Instead of researching maybe 90 minutes a day, or let's say 30 minutes a day, instead of doing that three and a half hours on that Thursday that your market day, you research like 20 minutes because you're like, I don't want to do all that. There's other things as a parent, as a human you want to spend your time doing. So it really condenses all of it.You spend less and you save more and you get the stuff that's most valuable.

Brilliant, brilliant.And it takes out that impulse buy thing where it's where you're buying one thing and then they show you something else and you're like, oh, yeah, I need that too. Or my classic thing is, oh, that's such A good deal. Like I gotta get that even if I don't need it. Because I'm like, but it's such a good deal.

Yeah, that's all the psychology that marketers put forward.And I'll say this also, credit card points are a reward system that are psychologically made for us to spend points we get 1%, but psychology shows we spend for royalty programs 15 to 25% more if we know there's an incentive. So, yeah, they're happy to give us 1% if they get 25% more spending happening.

Yeah.You know what's a really insidious one that I just realized was happening to me was Capital One told me as I was looking, I was in capital One and then they said, do you want to add this thing to your browser, you know, to get deals or whatever. It was something and all you have to do is, you know, it's like two clicks or whatever. And I was like, okay, I guess whatever.Now they are first of all completely aware of everything I'm looking for. And they're coming into even my inbox somehow.And they're everywhere telling me that they have a deal for me about this thing that I was looking at and I should buy it through that. And I realized that I started like, I was starting to like buy stuff just because it was a good deal and they were telling me.And I quickly just discovered, yeah, no, no.And they're, they're co opting my time and my energy and they're pulling me from, you know, I'm, I was doing something else and now they're coming in and telling. It's just kind of gross.

Very gross. Not even. There's no kind of there. It is. It is. Yeah, it is. They're co opting your value system. Essentially.They're saying, we want you to prioritize these things over what you already value. And it works in a lot of times, like point systems are. That's why you go to your local bakery.They're like, hey, do you want to join our point system, our reward system? It's like buying a two dollar croissant. Why? How many points do I need to get another croissant?

Right? Yeah, yeah, I hear you. Speaking of values, something that many parents value, I certainly do, is putting away money for my kids, for their education.Is the 529 still the way to go? Is that like the thing to still do? And how do we prioritize that? And how much realistically do we need to be giving to that?

How much do it now just for all your listeners, if you're not familiar, the 529 is the college savings account that is basically a tax shelter for this money. And what it does is it kind of works like a Roth IRA where you put money in after taxes.Like you just can put money in from your bank account and then when it comes out, it's been invested, it's earning maybe 5, 6, 7% a year. And they're all run by different states. Every state has a different 529. You get all that money tax free.Now that should, it doesn't sound as sexy as it is, but it's a pretty incredible benefit to be able to get because the IRS and Uncle Sam likes to take in the state that you live in and maybe the city, they like to take, you know, 15 to 25% of what you earn. So if you put money in there and it earns over a hundred grand, Uncle Sam's going to usually take $25,000. Not for a 529.You get it if it is used for school, scot free, entirely free to you. Is it worth it? Yeah, I think it's a great benefit. I highly, highly recommend it. Now the bigger question is like, well, how much should we contribute?And I get that question. You know, I, I last year I had four folks have children brought into their lives last year.And that was a big question for every of all of my clients and people who were thinking about it bringing kids into their house. Yeah, I would say the first thing when I think about college savings is make sure you're taking care of yourself first. Now what do I mean by that?Make sure your retirement money is aligned first. Like are you contributing for your own future? We want to give to our kids. Obviously college is important for many people, obviously.But unfortunately for retirement, for those listeners and viewers, we can't take out a loan for retirement. It is all on you.

That's true. Yeah, good point.

We want to give to our kids, but college is something, if need be, you could take out student loans. Right. It's not necessarily the thing you'd want. Like President Obama was paying off his student loans I think while he was a senator still.So this is a long term thing, possibly. But I really want you to put the focus on yourself to say like assess, how am I doing on retirement? Am I meeting my goals there?And then looking at 529 contributions, start with $25. If you're not sure, I think open the 529 as soon as the Kiddo is as young as possible.

Okay.

And then just take advantage of that as much as you can. So it still makes sense. The bigger question you might be thinking, Rachel, is like, well, how much do I need for college?

Well, yeah, and, and again, that's something that, like, we don't know what it's going to end up. Maybe it's free by the time they're, you know, we can all wish, you know.

Yeah, I don't know.I mean, this was such a funny question asked five years ago by my clients before AI turned into what it was and how it's changed what education is, change what knowledge is.And so it's really curious to think about if you have like a two or three year old maybe listening to the call, it's like, okay, what does this mean in 15 years? Yeah, I cannot predict that. I don't have a magic ball. Here's what I would say is, is that this money is available to the children.It is available to the immediate family members tax free as well.And if you want to take it out and say, like, listen, little Danny's not going to college, it can still be taken out, but the IRS will say like, okay, you didn't pay taxes on it. We're going to take a penalty from it. A penalty is very scary. But what it means is it basically covers the tax cost.So don't not do it because you're like, necessarily unsure about the future.

Right.

If in five years, it's 2031, you're listening to this podcast and your robots are doing all the work, then maybe college isn't right for your little one. But as of right now, I still invest in my kids. 529. How much we'll need, I don't know. I think it's.I contribute what I can, but I make sure myself is covered. I make sure their immediate needs are covered. But I do have an automatic amount going in there every month.

Yeah, that is a really good point about the retirement thing. I know so many people that still in their 40s and 50s do not have a, any kind of a retirement plan. What is your advice to them?Because I know a lot of creatives and it's very, very difficult to save for that because it's like you don't have money. And then when you finally get money, you have to pay everything that you were not paying. And how do you do that?

Yeah, absolutely.I'm doing a talk at USC actually, to undergrads about how to start saving for money at 21, because I know that problem at 40 and 50 and there's a lot of 40 and 50 year olds out there that, you know, think of my parents, my grandparents age, they were school teachers, nurses and they have a pension. And most a lot of jobs had pensions where you had a guaranteed amount every month until you died or 401ks or 403bs if you work for an employer.But if you're creative and you get 1099s, if you are doing freelance, that's really up to you. Now you should be paying into Social Security because I have a firm believe that Social Security will still exist.And that could be one to $4,000 I think is the ceiling that you get into depending on how much you contribute. So that is one part of it.If you don't have a pension, if you don't have a 401k with your job, if you do have a 401k or 403b, try to contribute there first as much as you can at least match it. Meaning if your employer says we'll give you free money if you put in 3%, Dylan, we'll put in 3%, do that at least. So do that first. If you're.

Yep.

Then look at retirement and opening a Roth IRA likely. And your bigger question was like, well, what do you do? If I'm sitting here in 45 or 55, I don't have assist retirement.

Yeah.

Lined up. I'm just been hustling for 30 years in this wonderful game. I think still make a plan. Like the first thing you need to do is.The same thing as everybody needs to do is saying like, listen, what do I want retirement to look like? If you never imagine you'd be able to retire, then try to define what that is if you have to retire.You know, a lot of people say like, I love my job. I have a college professor right now as a client. And they're like, I could do this forever. But maybe you don't feel like that at 75.Maybe you're like ready to get off the train at 65.

Yeah.

Then try to understand like what are the things you need? What are the things that people be expecting from you? Is there any family support? And also to see if there's any family support coming towards you.You know, inheritance is a real thing, generational wealth. Try to understand the other individuals in your family about like, what is their will and trust situation now.It doesn't have to be like calling up dad right now and saying like how much money am I getting, dad? Yeah, but it's really just having an understanding. Saying like, hey, I'm working on my finances.I'm trying to get a clear picture about where I stand right now. How do you think about that as well, to see, like, where do you stand with those types of things? How do your parents needs.Because you might also be supporting them in some regards. So I'd say just making a plan is the first start.And it's starting about looking at how much you spend, like we talked about in the first 10 minutes, looking about what your goals are and making room for retirement. Because even it might feel like 45, 50, it's like it's too late. Sorry. It's not too late. It's too late if you don't ever do it.But if you start doing it, you're doing it and that's what matters.

How do you handle when you're in a relationship and you don't see eye to eye financially? It's a hard thing for two people who grew up differently.They have different, you know, they grew up within different situations to come together and have to run this corporation, this business as you're talking about, if they don't see eye to eye about financial stuff, what's your advice?

Yeah. Which is very honestly normal. Like, we did grow up in different households and.But that means when we say that, it's like we grew up with different values.Like, we saw money differently in our first relationship with money is our first relationship with our parents and how they use money and how it was either a stressor or they didn't talk about it, or they talked about it too much. And usually we don't live in a society where we also talk about it outside of family or even if we do, it's not necessarily positive.So we don't come in with good energy, usually with money. And they're different energies. So when you said it's interesting because you're like, we have different financial feelings, that's maybe true.But what I love about working with couples is that your reason you're together is you love each other, you want to be together, and you have something that's there.And so when I say for couples who are starting to work on this, a put it on the calendar, you know, light a candle, actually do something to make this moment special. And I'm not joking about the candle. I think that can be very important. Okay, but say like, instead of saying like, hey, you spent too much on target.Hey, why did you go out for drinks? So how much was this? Why didn't you get refunded or venmoed for this? Never start a conversation like that. Never, never, never, never.Even if that person did something wild, it's not going to end the way you want. They're not going to just apologize and change their habit. It'll make you feel better for half a second.Instead, if you want sustained, meaningful change, start from where you two are together in the same place. Not necessarily where you're apart. Where you're together is probably your goals. You know, you two are together. Do you vacation together?Do you live in the same house? Do you like having furniture? Think of those things that are saying, hey, what do we want to do and create in the next few years?If we're having a family or growing our family, what do we want to do? What are the costs around that? Right. We want to take care of your mother. What do you think that's looking like? Are we sending her 500?Are we having her move in? Are we helping her with elder care? Figure out those numbers.So talking about the realities of your existence, the big meaningful things, those serious things I talked about, and the fun things, that is where you want to start because those are also non negotiable. They're also things you agree on.And then you look at the spending and say, like, if we've decided these things are really important for us to spend money on, that we really are important for our goals, what habits do we need to change to make that happen? So then we do look at our restaurants, we look at our groceries, look at our fast food, look at our shopping, look at our travel.And then it's an easier buy in for both parties because you said, well, we did say we need to help support your mom. We did say we want to go to Disney World in 2027. So then we have to change these things. Right. There's no ambiguity.What's funny about numbers is that they're numbers. There's no ambiguity to it. It's like very clear if we want this, we have to do less of that.

Yeah.

And it takes the emotional side of it because it's like very clear this equals that. If we do less of this, we get more of that. Do we want that? Yes. Then you put it in play.So start from the goals, what you both want, and then go to then what you need to change afterwards.

Yeah. What about priorities in terms of say you have credit card debt, but you also really value, you want to take that Disney vacation.Are you supposed to wait until you know all your credit Card debt is zero to take the Disney vacation, or can you still be saving for it? But then I'm paying all this money and fees because I'm not paying the full bill.

Credit card debt can complicate it, I think. Also there's a lot of different ways to attack it that can be specific to the individual.So I'm going to tell you what, how I think of it is that credit card debt, my biggest goal in working with clients, many of them come to me with credit card debt. And I'll say, my goal is for the debt to never go any higher. Not a dollar higher.But it might be saying, okay, we're living within our means as much as we can trying to get to that number so we don't have to use a credit card. Because that can be sometimes the situation where it's like, last two weeks, we have to use it for groceries, we have to use it for soccer class.I want to bring your expenses down. And then the credit card payments, we slowly pay them off.We might balance, transfer them to a 0% interest card, which is something that's still available to people. We might transfer them to a personal loan from a bank where the interest rate goes from 25% down to 12%.You could ask for a loan from a family member. There are many ways to bring that interest payment down. Do I think you should go to Disneyland while paying it off?Possibly, if you have a road to pay it off.Because I want to say, it's like, listen, and this is something you take home and look at this and say, like, okay, we have, let's say, $20,000 in credit card debt. That doesn't mean you can't go on vacations for the two and a half years it takes you to pay that off.What it means is, like, listen, we're going to pay 300amonth on this, and we know we'll be done May 1, 2028.If you know that, if you're clear about it and you're content about it, yeah, then you could say, all right, do we have savings for other things that we want to do? And that could be Disney World, it could be Disney France for all I care.But I want to make sure that you have a plan to pay it off and the credit card debt never goes up again.

Got it. I love that. By the way, I hear Disney, France and, like, Japanese Disney are, like, cheaper.People are finding now that it's like, it's cheaper to go there than it is to go in the States.

I don't know, I would not be surprised. I would not be surprised.

Yeah. I have been on your mailing list, and I'm really enjoying your content. So first of all, thanks for that.He sends out, like, you know, little videos and different, like, tips and stuff. So I want to encourage people to get on your mailing list.And I also just wanted to ask you about this really cool thing that I just happen to see that you're doing that I signed up for. It's called, like, the Get It Done Admin hour or something.

Finally done admin Hour. Because doing this for so long, I've recognized there's just so many money tasks and myself included.You know, as I say, I get up early and I get those money tasks done because I want to get them done. And I think I want an hour for people to say, this is where I'm getting my money done. Because as I said, I've said it 15 times. Calendars rule.They rule our lives. So it's a set time. Every two weeks. We share our video. We have our video up, and we say, like, here's one money tip I'm going to give you.We're going to execute it, get it done. It might be unsubscribing from newsletters. It might be unsubscribing from that one $12 subscription every month.That'll save us 150 bucks for the year. It might be looking into life insurance and getting that in play for you.You're going to try to do that whole thing, plus maybe bring two other money things you want done. Maybe you need to write your account. Maybe you need to send him one form. Maybe you need to sign a document.Maybe you need to reach out to your uncle about a payment. These are all things we don't want to do. They're not topical.

Maybe you have to do your taxes. Yeah, I keep putting my taxes off. I really. I had the best intentions that this year of, like, I'm gonna get it done early.And it's the thing that I push the furthest away because I just. I don't want to do my taxes. But, like, I really want to. It's this little voice in my head that's like, you still haven't done your taxes.You still have.

You know, if you are listening and you have that same feeling, because I appreciate that feeling, too. That is the stuff you should break because then you just get it done. Yeah, you get it done. You get the accountability. It's. And there's.There's research about it. This is called body doubling. When you're around people who are also working.Like, I would go to the library, nyu when I was living in New York and I would write because I was around 200 other students who were also writing. And it made me focused. I can't focus when I'm with my roommates. We're all hanging around watching football. I'm not going to get any writing done.So get that focus around other people. Finally done. Every two weeks you can find on my website dylanteachesfinance.com and it's open to everybody.

That's amazing. Yeah, it's absolutely free too, for people who are struggling.And then if you want to actually work with Dylan one on one or you're in a couple and you want to work together as a couple again, I can't recommend it enough. It really, really helped us to get a handle on our finances. And I think you do discovery calls, as you mentioned. Correct.So they can go to your website and like find you there and like have a little short meeting with you or something.

In that meeting, we'll figure out what it is that you need to work on. Like we'll basically, I like to call it a financial mapping session.We'll say like, okay, these are the areas that I think we can address in the time we work together. I work with clients now three to six months. And we'll say like, okay, we're going to get these things done.And this isn't, you know, therapy is great. There can be very long term.I want to get you in and out the door in six months and so that you have these new habits, new systems so that in two years later you still like, oh yeah, I know how to manage buying a new home, adding another child to our family, supporting my mom because I worked with Dylan two years ago and I have those tools. So yeah, I love those tools.

Dylan, thank you so much for being here today with us.

You're very welcome, Rachel. This was a delight.

This has been the Foster to Forever podcast. Happy stories of non traditional families born through Foster to Adult. Produced by Aquarius Rising. Original music composed by Joe Fulginetti.For more information or to stay in touch, visit from foster to forever.com that's from foster the number2forever.com and stay connected with us on Instagram at foster2forever podcast. That's foster the number two forever podcast. We'll see you next time.